Before you make an attempt to stop masturbating, there’s an important issue to deal with first. This issue is important because masturbation is a misunderstood addiction.
There are people who think they’re addicted to masturbation and they aren’t. Plenty of people are hooked on masturbation and think there’s nothing wrong with it. Just like the alcoholic who fools him or herself about drinking, the person addicted to masturbation is not doing themselves any favor by trying to deny the problem.
Let’s assume you’ve decided that you are addicted to masturbating. There are many people who are addicted to masturbation and hate themselves for masturbating. Feeling let down in yourself for acting addictively is a signal from nature that you are engaging in a pattern of activity that is self-destructive. But feeling let down in yourself is different than self-hatred. When you hate yourself you condemn your total being. When you feel let down in yourself, you are upset with a certain part of your life.
Self-hatred will not help you stop masturbating. One of the things to understand about self-hatred is: You won’t do something good for someone you hate.
People from all walks of life: the devoutly religious, atheists, agnostics, and people who are moderate in their belief system can find themselves smothered in self-hatred because they are addicted to masturbation and can’t stop.
You might be thinking, “If I have a problem hating myself, how do I stop it?” I can tell you where to start: Evaluate yourself the same way you would evaluate someone else who you were trying to be fair to.
For instance, Paul is addicted to masturbation. He wants to stop. He has been trying ever since he was a teen. He can stop for a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months. But eventually he returns to his masturbation addiction. When he returns he descends into self-hatred. Any person who stops addictive behavior and returns to it will feel let down. But Paul is going beyond feeling let down. He hates himself because he can’t stop masturbating.
If you share his problem here’s my advice to you:
“First, give yourself credit for what you accomplished. You wanted to stop. You gave it a best effort. And you succeeded for a while. Would you hate someone else because they attempted to overcome their problem or would you give the person credit for trying?
“If the person failed would you hate him or her? Or would you try to understand that they did their best? If the person has failed many times would you hate him for failing or would you give him credit for continuing to try in face of failure? If the person was concerned about their problem would you hate her because she was concerned or would you give her credit for identifying her problem and wanting to do something about it?”
Remember, you’re not going to be supportive of a person you hate. You will be on the side of someone who’s trying their best.
Some people think that failure at overcoming a masturbation addiction means you don’t want to stop. There’s more to stopping than just wanting to.
- You need an effective method. “Just say ‘No’” doesn’t work.
- You need an understanding of addiction. Being addicted and understanding what an addiction is are two very different states of mind.
- You need to know the differences between a sex addiction and other kinds of addiction. A big mistake people make when they try to deal with a sex addiction is treating a sex addiction as if it were an alcohol problem. A good example of this is the twelve-step approach. Twelve step is an alcohol program. It is not designed and is not effective for sex addiction.
- You need to know what makes a masturbation addiction different from other kinds of sex addiction. The Most Personal Addiction will give you an in depth discussion of the differences.
- You also need to determine if you are addicted to masturbation. The interviews in The Most Personal Addiction will help you understand if you have a sex addiction and will help you begin the process of getting a masturbation addiction stopped. There is also a further discussion about masturbation addiction in the article Masturbation Addiction Counseling.
You can stop masturbating addictively. Self-hate won’t help you. Self-understanding will.
Easrael
